Thirty-Seven
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Samkiel. Three Weeks Later.
S mall flakes fell from the sky, slowly coating the world with thick white
powder. I stared out at the open expanse from a large palace in Arariel.
The city was aglow as the sun slowly crept past the buildings, yielding to the night. It was all part of the celebration—the lights, the songs, the decorations. It was a time of joy and happiness for them, and they loved to show it. Apparently, they celebrated this cursed event.
People emerged from their homes, excited to see the array of festive lights decorating Arariel. Little shops opened their doors, and holiday music floated on the air. They would do this every night for the next five weeks leading up to The Fall. The sound of laughter snuck through the glass, taunting us with happiness. The mortals were bursting with life, unaware of the dangers threatening them.
I had sent Cameron and Xavier off to do anything else. They had grown tired of the constant research, and their discontent wore on my nerves. I watched three blue lights streak through the clouds like comets. Imogen must have joined them.
Logan appeared at my side and handed me a mask. “It’s for the ball.”
My stomach rolled as I traced the intricacy of the lacy black material. It reminded me of the clothing Dianna loved to wear, but I squashed that thought before it could take hold. “Why?”
“It’s a masquerade ball. The mortals love it,” Vincent said, pacing.
I glanced up, noticing he wore one that matched his suit.
“The mortal council will arrive in two hours,” Vincent said, continuing
to wear a hole in the carpet.
“Okay,” I said.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Logan asked, blowing out a breath.
“With everything?”
“Especially with everything.” Vincent stopped pacing to glare at Logan.
“We need a united front, and the Celebration of The Fall is a perfect excuse.
Mortals love gatherings, and seeing us among them may ease their stress.”
“Aren’t you afraid of an attack? It’s been too quiet these last few weeks.
It just feels as if he is winding up for something,” Logan said.
“No.” I was not afraid of anything at this point. All my worries or fears had already happened, it seemed. “Our next plan of action is to find out what other ingredients he needs to make this weapon,” I said, turning away from the pristine view.
“We have read and searched every record. There isn’t much of anything to go on. Whatever Kaden needs, it has to be in the Book of Azrael.”
“Then we are back to square one.” Logan huffed.
“Other than that book, Azrael took his secrets to his grave,” Vincent said, folding his arms across his chest.
“It would appear so.” I looked at Vincent and nodded toward the door.
“You’re dismissed, Vincent. I need to speak to Logan alone.”
Vincent’s eyes flicked between Logan and me before he nodded and walked out. We listened as his footsteps carried him down the hall.
“You’ve been sneaking out after missions. I presume you’ve taken pictures of the map Dianna stole and have been hitting the caverns.” Logan sighed and met my gaze. “And please do not lie to me.”
“I did.”
“What did I tell you?”
He sighed. “Samkiel.”
“No!” The word left my lips in a thunderous roar. The lights flickered, not only in this room but throughout Arariel. The people below gasped and looked around nervously.
“I told you to take others with you. You didn’t. I told you not to go alone. You did. I told you—”
“I love her, Samkiel,” Logan snapped, his hands raising in frustration.
“You know that. She is my entire world, and I refuse to let her stay a second longer with that psychopath. I’ve bedded women. I’ve fought in battle after battle, standing at Unir’s and your side for centuries, and none of it was worth it. She is. So yes, I have been sneaking out. I’ve been looking for her.”
The lights returned to normal, the city shining once more. I nodded and turned away from him. “I forbade it, yet you did it anyway. Defying a direct order from your king is treason. Punishable by death.”
He moved into my peripheral vision and folded his arms. “You plan to
kill me?”
Silence fell between us.
“No.” I sighed. “You’re the closest thing I have to a brother.” I glanced at him. “Unir’s famous guard and my friend long before my second. I only
wish for you to be safe.”
“I can’t give up on her.”
“I know.”
“Just like you can’t give up on Dianna.”
I turned away from him, looking past the city into the darkness beyond.
“Look down there, Logan. Hundreds of families gathered, connecting, laughing, and loving. She lost all that and more. Kaden took her sister from her and, in the process, stole the last link to her mortality. He took her anchor, and everyone expects her not to go mad?”
“Vincent means well. He is just scared. He knows Kaden has the book and worries for you. We all do. Plus, you know he will always be blindly protective of you. You saved him from Nismera.”
“I know.”
I felt Logan’s gaze burn into me.
“You may leave now.” I glanced down, fiddling with the mask he’d given me. “I’ll be down momentarily.”
Logan didn’t move. “You are not the cause of our damnation, Samkiel.
You never were.”
A small smile curved my lips. “The war was because of me, Logan. No matter what you or they say, it was because of me. This world celebrates survival because ours fell, and it fell because of me. Enemies older than I gather forces for another war because of me.”
“You can’t take all the blame, nor should you. Wars and battles were a way of life long before you or before your father came into power. I know you have been through a lot more than any of us, but—”
“I was happy.” The words left my lips without me realizing it. “I was happy for the first time in my long existence.”
“What?”
“I know I didn’t seem like it when I first came back. Thousands of years of emotions are stacked inside my head, things I never wanted to share with anyone until her. Then, she came crashing in like she did everything. It wasn’t anything at first. We could barely stand the sight of one another, but somehow, she snuck behind every defense I had and got under my skin. It was the most intense thing I had ever felt. All she did was talk to me, hold me through the worst of my nightmares, and she got in. She is everything I am supposed to protect you all from, and a part of me knows I cannot live without her.”
“Do you love her?” Logan asked, his eyes filled with understanding.
“She is killing, feeding, and becoming everything he ever wanted. She is relentless in her pursuit of vengeance. Apparently, even I cannot stop her.
Dianna is what they warned us about. The monster they taught us to fear.
She has used everything I shared with her against me, trying to hurt me when all I wished to do was protect her, to save her. She sent dream eaters after us, attacked the council, attacked you all. I have skinned creatures alive for even threatening to harm any of you. The part that makes me ill is that my blood and mind scream at me to think as a king and protector.
Maybe I didn’t know her as well as I had assumed. Maybe she showed me exactly who she was, and then….”
Logan tilted his head slightly, listening intently. “And then?”
“My heart and soul scream in defiance because she is the only thing I can think about. The only thing I dream of when I allow it, the only thing in this life or the next I wish to claim.” I felt my eyes sting as I turned to him, his features filled with anguish. “Why do I feel so strongly for her? Why can’t I treat her like any other beast or creature? The time we spent together should mean nothing. Nothing. I have been with countless beings, traveled between worlds, saved thousands, and fought creatures that could swallow worlds. Yet this woman with a fiery attitude has burned me to my very core.
I let her in during the worst part of my existence, and now she is in my bones. My every thought, every dream, is of her, and I can’t eat or sleep. I haven’t even been inside of her, Logan, not really, not like Cameron or Vincent suspects, but she’s burned into my soul, my very being. And I hate it. I hate that it’s not simple anymore. I hate feeling so strongly for someone who does not feel the same. Every time a door opens, or I hear heels on the floor, I look for her, and I hate that, too. I hate that I think every dark-haired woman I see is her. She made me smile, made me laugh, and I hate it. I hate
that she made me feel alive and whole for once. Dianna saw me for who I am, not a ruler or king. She made me feel normal, and then she left me.
Abandoned me like it meant nothing.”
I sighed and leaned my head against the window, trying to calm my raging heart. Logan stood beside me, studying the view outside the window, giving me time as I rubbed the moisture from my eyes.
“What kind of king or leader cannot contain their emotions?” I finally
asked.
“One with a heart.”
I shook my head. “A ruler cannot have a heart. My father made it clear that attachments would only ruin everything. Maybe he was right.”
Logan shrugged. “No, that’s why they are all dead, and you are still here. Their logic was flawed.”
I nodded, rubbing my hand across my face one last time. “My father was right about one thing, though. It’s too much of a burden to carry alone.
I tried to save our world, and I failed. I tried to stop her, and I failed. If Dianna dies, I quit. I’m tired, Logan. Let someone else rule. Let Vincent or the council have it. I’m done. It is not as if I was a good king, to begin with.”
Logan scoffed. “You’re wrong. Samkiel, you are the best of them, and I’m not just saying that because I love you or because of the tremendous amount of shit we have been through together. You just have a monumental amount of responsibility. You’re alone like her. All your guides and teachers are gone. You have made the best of the absolute worst situations. Sure, you locked yourself away, but who wouldn’t? You had a crown forced on you at the moment of your birth. Rules and regulations forced down your throat before you could talk. The kingdom and the crown were your life, and you lost that. I don’t blame you. I never have. No one does. And I know Dianna may be beyond reach now, but it’s not hopeless. It never was.”
“How can you be so sure?” I glanced at him.
Logan looked at me as if I’d asked the most idiotic question he’d ever heard. “Because you give all of us hope. You’ve saved every single one of us in one way or the other. I’ve seen monsters quake in your presence. Gods bowed, and the realms rejoiced when you were named our next ruler. You are the very best of them, of us. And you will save her. That’s what you do.
You save people.”
A breathless snort left my lips. “Maybe you should be the one giving
speeches.”
“I’ll leave that to you.”
“What about being king?”
Logan laughs. “I’ll leave that to you, too.”
The sun finally set, and the snow began to fall. A bustle of noise filtered through the floor as guests started to arrive. “You should go get ready for tonight. I wish to be alone before Vincent forces me to mingle the entire night.”
Logan’s hand clamped on my shoulder, and he squeezed. “I think you’ve been alone far too long.”
We said nothing else, lost in our thoughts. Perhaps neither of us should be alone at the moment. So we stayed there, watching the sky empty itself as the world spun.
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